These NEWS flashes
The following is a real news announcement that was posted to a board where I contribute postings. It is a real news story. The one that follows it is a typical Duane response:
Bush to announce new space mission
WASHINGTON, Dec. 3 (UPI) -- President George W. Bush will reportedly announce a big new space mission, returning Americans to the moon.
The National Review reported Wednesday the announcement is expected Dec. 17, the 100th anniversary of the first manned flight by the Wright brothers.
The magazine said the content of the president's speech does not appear to be in doubt; the only question is timing.
Said the review: "While those who have formulated it (the president's speech) have argued that it be delivered on the anniversary of the Wright Brothers' first powered flight, there exists a slight possibility it will instead be incorporated in the State of the Union address at the end of January."
It has been 31 years since an American last set foot on the moon and 14 years since the president's father, President George H. W. Bush, proposed a new American manned mission to Mars.
AND NOW MY STORY:
little sarbonn to announce mission to local Best Buy
Kalamazoo, MI (UPN) - In an unexpected announcement to be made today at approximately 3:15 pm, little sarbonn will announce a trip to the local Best Buy. Reporters note that it has been quite a few weeks since little sarbonn last took a trip to Best Buy, and they were pessimistic about the reasons little sarbonn might have to making this trip.
Neolithic Airhead Stupidpeople Association (NASA) spokesperson Duran Duran stated that it has been a long time since little sarbonn has taken a trip to Best Buy, and as a result many people all across this great nation are concerned that if he does not make this trip there soon, he may lose his window of opportunity.
Critics indicated that they felt little sarbonn was taking this trip to Best Buy for nefarious reasons, including a desire to get a computerized dictionary so he could look up the word "nefarious". Other critics say that little sarbonn is only attempting to boost his approval rating that has slumped ever since he kicked that little baby during his re-election campaign for Dog Catcher. little sarbonn's campaign manager indicated, "Best Buy won't be no baby kickin', I tell ya!"
People on the street were interviewed, and their reactions were varied.
"That little sarbonn is just nuts, I tell you," said Laeder Hosen, his next door neighbor, who was seen "borrowing" little sarbonn's lawnmower unannounced. "Never know what the hell he's gonna do. Why, just last week, he went to the store and bought a whole can of peanuts. Ate them right there through that window while I watched him with my binoculars. He just ain't right."
"I can't understand why little sarbonn is going to Best Buy when his big brother Big Sarbonn said last week that he wanted to go to Wal-Mart," said Paris Hilton, some random socialite who was milking a cow in little sarbonn's backyard. "I mean, he's been to Best Buy already. Why must he keep going back where he's already been?"
"That little sarbonn is just dreamy," said some random woman that little sarbonn is presently trying to find no matter what the cost.
Yet, it seems clear that little sarbonn has all intentions of traveling to Best Buy sooner rather than later. All of the other people on his block indicated they were shocked at this announcement, and the guy who lives across the street from him announced that if little sarbonn goes to Best Buy, he's sure that trip is going to be used to buy a rifle at the nearby K-Mart, so he feels he may have to visit MC Sports and buy a rifle of his own, just to make sure that little sarbonn's trip to Best Buy didn't create a destabilizing problem between the two neighbors.
All we here at UPN can say is Godspeed, little sarbonn!
Stumble It!
The following is a real news announcement that was posted to a board where I contribute postings. It is a real news story. The one that follows it is a typical Duane response:
Bush to announce new space mission
WASHINGTON, Dec. 3 (UPI) -- President George W. Bush will reportedly announce a big new space mission, returning Americans to the moon.
The National Review reported Wednesday the announcement is expected Dec. 17, the 100th anniversary of the first manned flight by the Wright brothers.
The magazine said the content of the president's speech does not appear to be in doubt; the only question is timing.
Said the review: "While those who have formulated it (the president's speech) have argued that it be delivered on the anniversary of the Wright Brothers' first powered flight, there exists a slight possibility it will instead be incorporated in the State of the Union address at the end of January."
It has been 31 years since an American last set foot on the moon and 14 years since the president's father, President George H. W. Bush, proposed a new American manned mission to Mars.
AND NOW MY STORY:
little sarbonn to announce mission to local Best Buy
Kalamazoo, MI (UPN) - In an unexpected announcement to be made today at approximately 3:15 pm, little sarbonn will announce a trip to the local Best Buy. Reporters note that it has been quite a few weeks since little sarbonn last took a trip to Best Buy, and they were pessimistic about the reasons little sarbonn might have to making this trip.
Neolithic Airhead Stupidpeople Association (NASA) spokesperson Duran Duran stated that it has been a long time since little sarbonn has taken a trip to Best Buy, and as a result many people all across this great nation are concerned that if he does not make this trip there soon, he may lose his window of opportunity.
Critics indicated that they felt little sarbonn was taking this trip to Best Buy for nefarious reasons, including a desire to get a computerized dictionary so he could look up the word "nefarious". Other critics say that little sarbonn is only attempting to boost his approval rating that has slumped ever since he kicked that little baby during his re-election campaign for Dog Catcher. little sarbonn's campaign manager indicated, "Best Buy won't be no baby kickin', I tell ya!"
People on the street were interviewed, and their reactions were varied.
"That little sarbonn is just nuts, I tell you," said Laeder Hosen, his next door neighbor, who was seen "borrowing" little sarbonn's lawnmower unannounced. "Never know what the hell he's gonna do. Why, just last week, he went to the store and bought a whole can of peanuts. Ate them right there through that window while I watched him with my binoculars. He just ain't right."
"I can't understand why little sarbonn is going to Best Buy when his big brother Big Sarbonn said last week that he wanted to go to Wal-Mart," said Paris Hilton, some random socialite who was milking a cow in little sarbonn's backyard. "I mean, he's been to Best Buy already. Why must he keep going back where he's already been?"
"That little sarbonn is just dreamy," said some random woman that little sarbonn is presently trying to find no matter what the cost.
Yet, it seems clear that little sarbonn has all intentions of traveling to Best Buy sooner rather than later. All of the other people on his block indicated they were shocked at this announcement, and the guy who lives across the street from him announced that if little sarbonn goes to Best Buy, he's sure that trip is going to be used to buy a rifle at the nearby K-Mart, so he feels he may have to visit MC Sports and buy a rifle of his own, just to make sure that little sarbonn's trip to Best Buy didn't create a destabilizing problem between the two neighbors.
All we here at UPN can say is Godspeed, little sarbonn!
Stumble It!
posted by Duane @ 7:34 PM
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