The Instability of the Writer's Life
I was responding to someone's post on a message board today who asked how old I must be because I tend to have a story for practically every situation. And that got me thinking, because I have to admit that I've done a lot of stuff in my life. Way too many things. And I always find myself thinking I just haven't done enough.
But I think this is what makes a writer unique from the average person. Sure, there are writers who live very stable lives, but my life has never been anything approaching stable. I find myself completely reinventing my life every couple of years, because I'm never satisfied with my current situations. I keep thinking that there's something more out there, and I go looking for it. That's why I never stay in the same place for long. It's why I have so many different degrees. I keep searching for elusive knowledge and experiences, something that I never feel is satiated, no matter how hard I try to make it happen.
I think this is why a lot of writers and artists tend to be self-destructive, and quite often suicidal (no, not thinking that way right now...all is fine in my mind for now). Some of us are always looking for the next adventure, the next way point towards something different. And sometimes, we just can't find it.
I'm in South Korea right now and realizing that I'm not going to find what I'm looking for here. I thought it might be here, but I always tend to think that. I always think what I'm seeking is right around the corner, or across that next hill. But it's not. It's always the next town over from where I thought it was, and when I reach that next town, the yardstick gets pushed back a bit further. This is why I can go from West Point to Germany to South Korea to the intelligence services to making computer games to writing novels to publishing my own magazine to editing a newspaper to editing a fanzine to living in Prague to starting and finishing numerous degrees is various different disciplines to holding conversations with Carl Sagan and Timothy Leary to dating a professional dominatrix to dating twins to being engaged to a certifiably insane Taiwanese woman to becoming an investigator for a hotel corporation to doing undercover work for the government to....well, the list seems endless. I haven't even touched a smidgen of the experiences, but I always feel it's not enough.
I guess as a writer all of this makes sense because I always felt that one needs experiences to understand how to write, but I also wonder if these experiences have caused me to think differently than I would have liked to have been thinking. What if it's all just an illusion and that no matter what we do, it's not for any better purpose than putting one foot in front of the other until the feet don't move anymore?
Anyway, I don't have any answers. I'm truly Socratic in that thought process. I'm more concerned that I seem to be running out of questions.
Stumble It!
But I think this is what makes a writer unique from the average person. Sure, there are writers who live very stable lives, but my life has never been anything approaching stable. I find myself completely reinventing my life every couple of years, because I'm never satisfied with my current situations. I keep thinking that there's something more out there, and I go looking for it. That's why I never stay in the same place for long. It's why I have so many different degrees. I keep searching for elusive knowledge and experiences, something that I never feel is satiated, no matter how hard I try to make it happen.
I think this is why a lot of writers and artists tend to be self-destructive, and quite often suicidal (no, not thinking that way right now...all is fine in my mind for now). Some of us are always looking for the next adventure, the next way point towards something different. And sometimes, we just can't find it.
I'm in South Korea right now and realizing that I'm not going to find what I'm looking for here. I thought it might be here, but I always tend to think that. I always think what I'm seeking is right around the corner, or across that next hill. But it's not. It's always the next town over from where I thought it was, and when I reach that next town, the yardstick gets pushed back a bit further. This is why I can go from West Point to Germany to South Korea to the intelligence services to making computer games to writing novels to publishing my own magazine to editing a newspaper to editing a fanzine to living in Prague to starting and finishing numerous degrees is various different disciplines to holding conversations with Carl Sagan and Timothy Leary to dating a professional dominatrix to dating twins to being engaged to a certifiably insane Taiwanese woman to becoming an investigator for a hotel corporation to doing undercover work for the government to....well, the list seems endless. I haven't even touched a smidgen of the experiences, but I always feel it's not enough.
I guess as a writer all of this makes sense because I always felt that one needs experiences to understand how to write, but I also wonder if these experiences have caused me to think differently than I would have liked to have been thinking. What if it's all just an illusion and that no matter what we do, it's not for any better purpose than putting one foot in front of the other until the feet don't move anymore?
Anyway, I don't have any answers. I'm truly Socratic in that thought process. I'm more concerned that I seem to be running out of questions.
Labels: Writing
Stumble It!
posted by Duane @ 8:26 PM
1 Comments:
At 2:56 PM,
Arthur Sevestre said…
Might it not be that this culture simply doesn't offer what you need? That what you need, and what many people need, is something that our culture denies exists? I know that's the case for me. I do not want a career, I do not want material wealth, I do not want to develop and grow as prescribed by this culture. But unfortunately that's about all our culture has to offer. It doesn't really care about people and even less about the rest of the community of life; it cares about growth and development. and if you don't crave any of that, or if actually achieving these things doesn't satisfy you (or doesn't dull you enough to think that it satisfies you), you are an outcast.
Speaking for myself, I know that what I yearn for is not to be found in this culture. One of the most impressive tricks of our culture is to let us think that there simply isn't an alternative. At least not a true one. And yet the evidence of many alternatives is there: tribal cultures (past and present) work for the people, while ours doesn't.
Together with a friend of mine I started to study thoughts like this intensively since just over a year and we intend to.. intensively intensify that even further the coming years on the Isle of Skye in Scotland by trying to make it more than a theory. We will do our very best to find our way into a system again that works for people, for starters by letting people find out what they really want and need.
And, unfortunately, what I want and need now is a good number of hours in bed! Will keep in touch though!
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