Way too many things to do...not enough time

We just finished a tournament this weekend on campus. It was a high school forensics tournament that we ran, and I was working from Friday morning before dawn until Sunday night. I'm exhausted, but that's part of what my grad assistantship requires. My neck is still killing me, but I really don't have time to deal with it. Tonight, I have to attend a 3 hour class, and hopefully after that I'll get my first chance to get an actual night's sleep.

Next weekend, we have a tournament we're attending in Berkeley, which means I'll be gone for the weekend again. The next weekend after that we're running another tournament, which means that weekend is tied up as well. I believe after that I'm given a bit of a rest, but these tournaments one weekend after another (the week before last weekend was down south in Azusa Pacific).

My place is kind of trashed because I'm rarely home long enough to clean it up. Last week, I bought a new computer, but I really haven't had a chance to even set it up yet. I probably won't for a few weeks to come.

Nothing going on in the social capacity, but then I don't really have time. I wish I did. But then if I did have time, I'd only get concerned because there's nothing going on in the social capacity IF I had time.

I haven't had any time to do any writing lately. Haven't really had time to do anything lately. One of these days I need to get to a store so I can buy some bread and milk. It would be much more of a concern if there wasn't so much stuff all over the place that I could actually get into the kitchen. :)

Just gotta keep plugging away, I guess.

Stumble It!

Well, I think I've found a better outlet for my educational aspirations

I received my first exam back today in my graduate seminar, and it was a 97. After class, the instructor asked to speak to me and M., where he brought us to his office and asked us if we would be interested in writing a paper with him on emotional intelligence. Of course we were interested.

I'm starting to find that perhaps communication is the field I should have gone into in the first place. A lot of my political science questions are actually addressed through this discipline, and it is a lot more open ended than political science ever was, indicating that perhaps this is a place where someone who thinks a bit differently than everyone else might actually make an impact.

It's a lot of work though. I've been getting really bad headaches lately, which I've mentioned before. My sister thinks it might be my ole' TMJ syndrome thing showing up again, and it sort of makes sense. It's been ongoing for a few weeks now, and this evening during class it was really bad. It is really bad whenever I try to sleep for the night. I finally got a primary care physician, so as soon as I can find some time, I'm going to arrange some time to see her. I don't have a lot of free time these days, which is probably why the whole TMJ thing erupted in the first place.

Not much more going on. I don't have as much time to write as I would like. I did take some time over the weekend to play some World of Warcraft, but that's just because I needed to do something different. Living in California is great. Living in Stockton, the crime center of California, is not.

One day, I'll find a significant other. Being alone sucks.

Stumble It!

The Political Dismissal of Data

The Lancet, a prestigious British medical journal, released a peer reviewed article this week claiming that more than 650,000 Iraqis have died "as a result of the U.S. invasion and its ensuing chaos" (Euguene Robinson, San Francisco Chronicle, October 16, 2006). The methodology used was cluster sampling, which is often used for public-health research.

As expected, President Bush has called the study "not credible." Actually, what he said was "The methodology is pretty well discredited." We might also want to remember that Bush gave an off the cuff prediction estimate of "30,000, more or less" back in December of 2005, as reported by the Washington Post, and he was referring to Iraqi civilians, however in subsequent data, it was reported at 50,000. What is interesting is that the drama has been over that higher number, with many respondents indicating that the 50,000 is indicative of the time since December 2005, when the 30,000 number was indicated. So even if we acknowledge the 30,000 having reached 50,000, there's still a HUGE problem here, and that's the subject of this entry.

The reason given for the criticism of the clustering method used by Lancet is because it is too generizable, meaning that the sample error indicates the actual death level can be anywhere from 400,000 to 900,000. So, by focusing on this "error range" proposers of the 30,000 to 50,000 numbers can pretend that a number from thin air (the 30,000 one) is more "credible" than a number range based on clustering (low end of 400,000 to their high end of 50,000). Remember, Bush was pulling that number out of nowhere because attempts to get sources from him or his staff were unanswered. He pulled it out of the air, thinking that's probably how many that died. We use clustering samples every day in this country to predict and determine deaths in developing countries and we're so confident in the methodology that we allocate billions of U.S. dollars of funding based on it, yet when it says what we don't want it to say, it's considered "not credible."

Expect a long, bloody occupation that will have no "credible" end.

Stumble It!

Trading one stress for another

I've been getting really bad headaches lately. I'm not sure why. They're the kind that start to throb and then just start becoming out of control. Then they sometimes go away for a few hours and then come back when I least expect it.

I had something similar to this problem about a decade ago when I was living with Tasha. Even then I wasn't sure what was happening, but it was way out of control, and it throbbed like you wouldn't believe.

It makes for very difficult sleeping, and sometimes even studying hurts. I've been studying for a test I have to take this evening, and while I don't really think the test should be that bad, it's been hurting a lot just having to study for it. Strangely, it hurts when I eat.

Aside from that, things seem to be finally settling down in other areas. The stress factors that came from Michigan are almost all gone now. My only real stress factor these days is my lack of time, but that's pretty much it. Sure, little things here and there, but nothing like it was while I was in Michigan.

I still haven't really tried to do any dating or anything of that nature. Christina called me today and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch, which I did, but unfortunately I was studying for the test with Mark, so I asked her if we could postpone lunch until another day. She's not on campus that often, so I hope we get to get together soon.

I've been working on a nonfiction project for a few days now (something I started back in Michigan). I want to write my thoughts on what might make America a better place for those that live in it. Yeah, I know; everyone has the idea that he or she has the answers to what's wrong with America, but I think differently than other people, and I think perhaps it's something I should do. I have the background outline completed; now I need to start doing some of the research that will help me write this correctly. Too many projects of this nature are done arbitrarily by people who think they already have all of the answers. I know I don't. But I'm quite capable of researching and finding what I believe could be the better alternatives.

That's as long as it turns out that my headaches aren't being caused by some tumor about to burst. That would suck. I just bought a new plant, so it would have no one left to water it. Plus, my stuffed animals only remain cordial with one another because I'm around. Once I'm gone, I can imagine all hell would break loose.

Stumble It!

North Korea set off a nuke

Yep. Doesn't look good.

All I can say is that I'm glad I'm no longer a counterintelligence agent for the US who happens to be fluent in Korean. In my days in the military, it was my observation that so few people who needed to be fluent in Korean were not, and the ones making important decisions made them with very little true understanding of the Korean language and its culture.

Should make things interesting for the future.

Stumble It!

Disenfranchising voters

We often hear about how one party or the other will attempt to keep one group of people from voting in some way or another. A couple of years back, while working on my ph.d. in political science, I worked on the research of this nature for a professor who was studying this phenomenon. At the time, it was easy to spot, but at the same time easy to understand how easy it was for those doing the practice to pretend they weren't doing the practice. Example: "Requiring ID is just avoiding voter fraud, not making it more difficult for those who don't normally have ID to vote." Or "A test on current affairs just makes sure that they know what they're talking about so we don't have people coming in voting blindly." That kind of thing.

Well, I moved to Stockton, California, and I dutifully sent in my voter registration information.

It was rejected.

The reason it was rejected was because someone wrote a note stating: "Could not read your last name in the signature properly. Resign and try again."

Now, there are a couple of points to this that are quite interesting.

1. My handwriting is impeccable. There's NO WAY to confuse how I spell my last name in my signature with anything else. I don't abbreviate it, or use any other little short cut while signing. Every letter is handwritten properly and correctly. The only way it could be more clear is to type it.

2. The note scribbled, indicating my signature was unreadable, was almost unreadable. The rejector's signature was a gazillion percent WORSE than mine on my worst day.

3. I moved to a city that is a Republican stronghold in surroundings that are extremely Democrat. There is a HUGE fight for the congress member in this area by a very hostile anti-Republican crowd that has grown here since the last election. When I chose my political party, I checked "I choose not to state a preference at this time." My address is obviously a university address, so to someone receiving this, it's pretty obvious I'm a student at a university who has chosen not to state he is a Republican. I'll let you fill in the blanks from there.

So, I found myself thinking about all of those studies I read about the ambiguity that comes up during charges of disenfranchisement. This is exactly how it works. What the goal is for these people is for me to send in the form AGAIN, not being able to make it any better, and they reject it either on same grounds or for a new manufactured reason. Or they hope for what is the statistical norm: They hope I don't bother to send in the form again at all because like most people, when voting becomes a chore, we opt out.

Anyway, just thought I'd give you all something to think about because it would not surprise me to see the whole issue turn into partisan bickering. Yet in 2006, we still have methods in place for keeping people from voting.

Stumble It!

What's it all mean?

For some reason, I just can't seem to catch up with everything that I need to do. I received a notice from Geico yesterday that said if I didn't pay my monthly bill, they were going to cut off my insurance. It's not that I don't have the money; I just can't find the time to send it. So, I took care of it over the phone, paying off the entire account so I won't have to worry about it again until March, but I'm finding this to be somewhat the standard these days. Way too many things keep piling themselves on me, and I can't seem to get ahead.

I'm finding that with my classes. There is a LOT of content that is needed before each of the classes I teach, and I'm constantly figuring that out right before I'm supposed to do it. I always feel like I'm about 15 minutes ahead of each class I have to teach.

As for my own work, it's the same way. I read what is needed, but I can't get ahead. Sometimes, I'm barely keeping up.

I don't have time to do anything for myself anymore. I have a World of Warcraft account that I've been paying for month to month, but I haven't signed on in months. I just don't have time. I have a Netflix account that probably wonders if I'm still alive. I receive magazines and academic journals in the mail, and they just sit on the coffee table, staring at me as I was stupid for ordering them in the first place, because only my stuffed animals seem to have time to read them.

And I don't really feel like I'm doing anything of any significance. Communication as a discipline is so unstructured and incomplete that it seems like no two scientists know the others exist. There's no main academic journal in the discipline, and it seems as if each person that writes an article or book is competing for attention in a discipline where no one gets any attention. Yet, some of the work that I HAVE read is quite fascinating, but I'm not really sure what is all means or where it is all going or trying to go.

Which brings me back to me, my favorite subject. I've recently been doing a lot of thinking with all the "extra" time on my hands. Yeah, that's a joke. I have no time on my hands, but it hasn't stopped me from actually thinking. And what I keep focusing on is that I have no focus, nor can I figure out why the hell am I here. I don't mean in Stockton. I don't mean in California. I mean here. Right here. In life. In general. Here.

I know this is a question best left for philosophy, but I'm asking it, and I don't feel the desire to answer it with some ancient Greek's perspective on why he thought I might be here. Nietsche can't tell me anymore than Thucydides can. They can conjecture all they want, but they don't really have personal answers that helps a person figure out why one is here.

I could go the religious route, but that's never worked for me. I could think "God" has a plan for me, but I really don't believe that anymore. I don't even think Shania has a plan for me, other than a desire for me to buy her next CD. A long time ago, when I was a toddler, my mother pulled me and my sister out of Sunday School because on the way to church, we were involved in a huge accident that nearly killed the two of us. That was the last straw for my mother, who raised us in dire poverty. It was somewhat the last straw for me as well.

I have recently started feeling like one of those struggling artists that toils away trying to capture his art but knows that he will never be recognized for it until long after he is gone. I understand that this is often the reason why a lot of artists off themselves in the early parts of their lives. As a writer, I often feel this way, and for some reason I've been feeling more and more this way each and every day. I keep finding myself being challenged by the question of "So what?" and "Why?" I used to think I was here for some great purpose, but what if we're really all just accidental dust turned into sentience? Perhaps there is no actual purpose in life.

I see so much bad in the world, and I don't see a higher power or even forces of good that are trying to make things better. Instead, I see the previously recognized forces of good actually going out of their way to exploit the masses of powerlessness in the name of a previously good reputation. I don't see a lot of people trying to help each other. I see wars in the name of religions that preach against war. I see cities once known for their concern for the homeless routing the homeless out of the only homes they've been able to capture (like Golden Gate Park in San Francisco) all so that better off people won't be bothered by the presence of those who are undesirable.

For me, personally, I struggle with a rational perspective on life while alone. The great minds of Athens argued that we are social beings, needing others to validate and vindicate ourselves. I'm alone most of the time. Sure, there are people around me, but it's like swimming in a sea of lots of fish but never being a part of the many schools of fish around you. You either learn to swim alone, you try to belong to schools that would not have you, or you give up on swimming altogether.

Throughout my life, I've had a select group of close friends that have been really important to me. But that's pretty much it for me. My relationships with members of the opposite sex rarely go beyond friendships, and that's even in the deeper relationships themselves as well. I don't generally make a lot of friendships because I tend to prefer people who have something to offer, such as intellectual discourse or other such interesting attributes. For those who have been in the ranks of my friends, I'm sure that's not too hard to piece together.

Recently, I embarked on an attempt to find a significant other, and let's just say that it hasn't gone very well. For some reason, people are overly obsessed with sex these days, and I'm most definitely not. I'm starting to give up on ever finding anyone of substance, and if that becomes my default position, I'm really not sure what my next step will be as I do agree that we are social creatures, and I'm really tired of being alone.

Stumble It!