Spammers Will Spam You, No Matter How Nicely You Ask Them Not To

A few weeks ago, I made the foolish gesture of creating a Craigslist ad in the personal relationships section. I didn't really expect to make a "love connection" but at the same time, I was curious at what type of response I would get. I got lots of responses, but very few of them were actually productive. I had included, as most people tend to do, a desire disclaimer, practically begging scammers to leave me alone, that I was not looking for someone to make me rich, or whatever, but sure enough here's the break down of what I received:

37 Responses
18 Wanting to provide me with sex (requiring me to contact them at their special site)
10 Very interested in my ad, but needing me to register at some sex site for verification (they've gotten tired of "fake people" and "scammers")
4 People who felt they could help me find "love" if I joined some pay site they knew of
2 Actual people who were interested in talking more (neither responded further...must have been the picture I sent them of me in my Disco Suit)
1 Married person who was interested (as long as we didn't tell her husband)
1 Woman with children who seemed interested, but just wasn't sure I felt comfortable with someone else's children just yet
1 Woman who claimed "I know who you are but am not telling you who I am"

That was my response from my personal ad. My stuffed animals have more success at this sort of thing than I do. Hmm, maybe having stuffed animals is WHY I'm not more successful at it than I am. Must reconsider this while playing more World of Warcraft and shopping for a new slide rule before returning to my job at Best Buy.

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Moving into the memory of the one who got away

I've been having a really weird time lately. I moved in with a friend who is letting me stay with her until I get back on my feet (find another place...find another job), and that's cool. The problem is that she lives very, very close to where I once lived when I was seriously devoted to another woman. This woman was THE woman, and I was going to pretty much be spending the rest of my life with her. It's been about a decade now since we went separate ways, and I'll be honest that I never got over it.

Unfortunately, I'm now in the exact same location where I was ten years ago. I was at Grand Avenue today getting something to eat, and I realized I was in our old neck of the woods. I kept expecting her to just show up. Almost every woman that walked by seemed like it was her. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't even live there anymore.

I then walked down to the lake and sat by the water on one of the benches, drinking a soda. It was a beautiful day. And then I watched the people walk by and jog by. This was where we used to walk, every day. We walked around the lake every day and all I could think was this was the place, and she was probably going to be coming around the bend at any moment.

But she never did. Instead, it was just me and my soda. And lots of strangers.

I'm not sure I like where I'm located right now.

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Someone you know is looking for you!

I get these really annoying emails all of the time from spammers that try to look like they're legit. Some of these come from some legitimate sources, like Classmates.com, but they're still spam and they drive me nuts. One of the recent waves of spam messages has been the "Someone you know is looking for you!" Then you click it and it takes you to some social networking or singles site that wants you to sign up so you can "discover" who it is that "might be" looking for you. If you've ever been stupid enough to sign up, you discover that no one is actually looking for you, but now you have another gateway to lots and lots of spam.

So I started wondering: Who would ever be looking for me anyway? I mean, I'm on Facebook, so if someone wants to find me there, that's okay. Some people have. I've found some of my old friends, too. Good thing.

However, I realize there might be "other" people looking for me, too. First off, there are people who want to sell me things. Things I don't need. Things I don't want. But they will continue to send me information telling me how much I need a Viagra pill, penis enlargement surgery or new credit (I honestly think there's a connection between the three, but I'm not smart enough to make that connection). Eventually, they go directly into the spam filter.

Then there are bill collectors. Well, the ones that NEED to find me have found me. Anyone else is pretending to be a bill collector, or is someone I never would have paid in the first place.

Then there's the Army. Yes, the Army still keeps trying to convince me that I should go back into the Army...as an enlisted member. Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen. I'm going to go back into the service, join as an enlisted member this time, take orders from some 23 year old with a BA degree who thinks that BA degree and ROTC training at UCLA makes him a natural leader. My 2 MA degrees, nearly completed Ph.d., numerous BA/BS degrees, combat service and my West Point training really doesn't agree with that supposition. I asked an Army recruiter why I can't go back in as an officer, and they don't really know why the age restrictions were raised to 42 for enlisted but still remain around 30 for officers. That's a nonstarter.

So who else might be looking for me? Ex-girlfriends? Like the crazy one that I still fear might be looking for me? The one that talked about the different ways she would like to dismember the entire male population (where I was affectionately referred to as "the last victim")? The one that sent me an itemized bill when I finally convinced her that our relationship was over? For the record, all of those are the same woman.

So, I'm just not all that thrilled whenever I discover that "someone I know is looking for me!". No, I prefer they not find me. My stuffed animals and I are doing okay without being found.

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Way overdue for an update

I realize it has been over a month now since I last added an entry, so I figured I'd just kind of recap what's going on.

1. No real job so far on the horizon. I've been trying, and I have not been very successful. I keep ending up as the "second choice" of colleges, but never the first choice. San Francisco State went with one person over me. Casper College went with the other person over me. Pacific University in Oregon went with the other person over me. They often call me to tell me that they wished they could have chosen me, but in the end, they didn't choose me. My prospects are looking really dim these days. I almost got Hillsdale College, and I probably would have got it, but I had problems with my flight, so they ended up having to give it to one of the other people who actually showed up for the official interview in Michigan. I don't really know what to do at this point. I'm not finding any success, and it's almost August now.

2. Working temporarily. I'm working for EF, which is an English teaching school that works through the University of Phoenix. It is one of those jobs that lasts only a month, and by the end of this week, I'll be completely unemployed again. Before that, I was working a temporary month or so job with the county as an election trainer. That, too, ended, so little by little my little gigs are drying up.

3. Overseas might be my only hope. I'm currently looking into working in South Korea, teaching English or debate. We'll see how that turns out.

4. My computer stopped working last week. Apparently, my power supply decided to stop working, or blew itself out. I had to take my computer to a shop to actually get it repaired. To be honest, even though I've been a computer technician before, I misdiagnosed my own computer and didn't realize it was something as simple as a bad power supply. So, I replaced that and added another gig of ram to my computer (bringing it up to 3 gigs of ram). Cost me $200 that I didn't really have, but what can I say?

5. My writing hasn't been going very well lately. I am at one of those stages in my writing where I have a novel formulating in my head, but it's not ready to come out yet. This happens to me a lot with my novels. Unfortunately, it leaves me wanting to write, but not feeling comfortable enough to write yet. I have a working title of this next project that seems to be around the corner, entitled: She Talks to Penguins. Believe it or not, it's actually a very serious project, and something a bit different from what I've tried to tackle in the past. Considering I've tackled adventure, suspense, science fiction, fantasy, epic comedy and romance, this is more of a slice of life kind of novel, which I never actually imagined I would be writing. I guess it is more consistent with some of my recent work, which included my short story "Simple Girl" that took second place from the Stockton Arts Commission this summer; for the record, my romance story, "Buried Memories," took first place from the Stockton Arts Commission the year before. "Simple Girl" was more of a moralistic type of story about a stereotyped girl who everyone seems to ridicule behind her back, but in the end she was really the wisest character in the story.

6. Relationships. None. That's never really changed. I had a conversation with Kat yesterday when we went out for a beer at BJ's, and we talked about that same subject. I guess I don't really know what it is I'm looking for these days. In the past, I was involved with some pretty strange women, dating anything from a crazy girl from Hong Kong who desired to kill everyone in the human race, fondly referring to me in a loving manner as "the last victim"; a professional dominatrix who didn't understand why men found her so intimidating; a seriously toxic semi-supermodel who used to leave the table after we eat to vomit up everything she just chowed down; several best friends with whom I may have or may not have been actually dating at the time (just couldn't figure it out and blatantly asking just gave me vague replies); a couple of 18-20 year olds, who put out airs that they were much more mature for their age until we started dating and then suddenly they were really 18-20 year olds in maturity as well; and well, a couple of others that were great but just weren't either looking for me, or not there when I was finally looking for them.

So, we somewhat concluded, or at least I did, that I'm looking for someone intelligent who can stimulate me intellectually. I don't find myself looking for the same thing other men are looking for. Sure, an attractive woman is great, and I'll spend an eternity looking at a beautiful woman (Shania Twain, I'm looking at you right now...), but there has to be more to it than that. And that's so hard to find because I think too many women are socially stigmatized by what other men are seeking that they're all convinced that most men are interested in them only for sex. And that bad disposition gets reinforced by bad choices they make in trying to find that guy who is "just like you but not you".

There have been a couple of women who have come along but they're just not interested in me, or in a relationship at the moment. Some of them have been perfect for me, and I felt I would be perfect for them. But those relationships have remained strictly friendships because they're seeking someone else, even though I sometimes suspect that they don't know what they're seeking either. What's funny is that no matter where I go, and I do go numerous places in my life, I always end up with at least one or two really close female friends who are never interested in anything beyond friendship. And my jury is still out as to whether or not that is a good or a bad thing.

7. The Shoulder. It still hurts. I can barely move my arm still, and the pain has actually spread to my right shoulder as well, so I have little full mobility, and it hurts when I try to stretch my arms behind my back, like when I try to put a belt on my pants. With that said, the pain has become lessened somewhat, and I do feel that I've been able to get a bit more sleep at night than I use to. I am heading in for a surgery consultation this afternoon, and then in August I'll actually have the surgery itself, where they stretch the shoulder into a position and then supposedly, that "fixes" the problem of "frozen shoulder". I'm hoping so because it's been over a year, and this situation has really sucked a lot.

8. Tabula Rasa. It means "clean slate" but it's also the name of the game I've been playing religiously with the spare time that I have every day. It's an online game, like World of Warcraft, but it's so much not like World of Warcraft. And that's what I was seeking: Something NOT World of Warcraft. The premise is that the Earth has been conquered by an alien race called the Thrax (or the Bane), and we've regrouped on other planets where we're trying to win back our freedom from Bane oppression. It's so much different than other games I've played, and it actually feels like you accomplish something when you play. Plus, the important thing for me, is that it has a very rich story interwoven into the fabric of the game. That's rare. The game was designed by the creator of Ultima (and Ultima Online), Richard Garriott. Great game. I highly recommend it.

9. The Thesis. My second draft was given to Marlin almost two weeks ago. I haven't heard back on it. It's 115 pages approximately, so I can see why it would take some time to read through and correct it. I'm hoping there's not much more to do, because I really want this over and done with. I've been in school way too long. Plus, I need the stupid degree so I can show that I have something in return for the two years I spent here at the University of the Pacific.

That's pretty much it for now. Wish I had more to add, but that's a mouthful alone.

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The new semester is afoot

The new semester started today. I picked up my teaching folder from school; my first discussion section is tomorrow at 7pm. This makes my schedule somewhat interesting.

M (free)
T 6-Coaching, 7-Teach
W 6-Coaching
R 7-Teach

I have no classes I have to take this semester, which means that if I can find an actual job, I will. I've already put out a bunch of applications, and I hope something comes through quickly.

This is my last semester of school. I'm not going to continue on after this, although I might have to use part of the summer to finish off the defense of the thesis, but I can live with that. So, I need to find real work.

I sent one of my plays (Southern Hospitality) out to Brooklyn Publishers last week. Later this week, when I have time, I will be sending out more query letters for my novels. I have to keep trying.

My comprehensive exams are next week starting on Tuesday. Then next weekend I'll be attending my first tournament for the semester. There is going to be a lot of tournaments this semester.

As for relationships and all that, nothing really happening. There are little hits here and there, but nothing serious or anything that's going to be long term. Unfortunately, the women of whom I am most interested really haven't been all that interested in me, other than as friends.

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Roommates, Cars, Women and Moving On

Over the years, I've had various roommates. Some have been okay, some have been horrific, and others were just regular. One of them was a blind Palestinian freedom fighter who dated 10,000 women and wanted me to give each one of them a different story as to why he was not "available" while he was "dating" someone else. But I digress....

I have three roommates now. All are okay. One of them I like a lot. She has a great attitude about everything, and I'll occasionally drive her to the store or to school. Another roommate I haven't seen in weeks, but his car shows up every now and then, so I know he's still living here. My other roommate is the one I've known the longest, and for some reason she's stopped talking to me. I don't know why. It's one of those things where I'll say "hi" and get one of those cold under the breath responses that don't develop into anything beyond that. So I go away thinking it must have been something I said, or did, or didn't say, or didn't do. I have this bad habit of wanting people to like me, so when I run into this sort of thing, it bugs me to no end. Strangely enough, I get along great with her boyfriend.

So, why does this bother me? Probably because lately everything has been bothering me. I don't date anymore, which leaves me lonely. I'm around people all the time, but they are arms-distance people who are in my proximity but not involved with me. So I'm essentially alone in the presence of other people.

My social networks are nonexistent. My closest friends live in El Cerrito, and I really don't have the opportunity to get to see them. I really live too far away. There's a theory in Interpersonal Communication that stems from social theory, and that's that people need intimate touch in their lives. One prominent scientist conjectured that people need 5 intimate touches a day to sustain a healthy life. I haven't been touched by anyone, aside from my physical therapist, in ages.

My life has hit a bizarre stage of frustration lately, especially concerning events that I just can't fix. This last week, out of the blue, I found out I can't register my car because the State of California says there are some problems "in Michigan" and that I needed to call "Michigan" to straighten it out. The number they gave me was to a disconnected phone, which didn't help any. I really don't know who to call or what to do about it. I don't even know what to do once I contact "Michigan" and figure it out. California won't register my car, not Michigan.

I get a nonstop avalanche or rejection letters from publishers, agents and editors. My writing career isn't happening.

Relationships haven't really worked out for me because I just live a lifestyle that's really not normal, and finding someone really hasn't been successful for me. I'm really not happy unless I'm in a relationship where I'm making my partner happy. I lived for many years thinking I was lacking in the attributes necessary to attract a partner, and now that I've managed to actually build a repertoire of skills and abilities, it seems like I'm too late, that all of my prospects have passed me by. The few women over the years to whom I would have surrendered the world for a chance to be with them never felt the same way in return. Yet, I see so much of the opposite all around me, and it makes me wonder if somehow I missed a connection in a train station I never realized I was traveling through.

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What's going on?

Yes, I'm still looking for a job. Summer's halfway over, and I'm still looking for a summer job. How's that for ridiculous? I really only need to figure out how to pay for one more month (August), and I should be fine. I've managed to scrape up enough to make it the months prior to that, and let's just say that it hasn't been fun.

Relationships. Well, the one with Rhea ended, mainly because it wasn't going anywhere. In the beginning, it was suffering because she felt I wasn't committed. I became committed to the relationship only to realize that she wasn't. So, we let it just fade away. Currently, I'm starting to see someone who is a lot younger. Yes, I'm breaking my rule of NEVER dating someone younger than 27, but we'll see where this goes.

I have an appointment Monday with a temporary agency that specializes in computer work placement for long term work, so let's hope something good comes of that. I did manage to get through the whole process of SFO for the job I wanted, and as I mentioned previously, I scored 1000 points and was Number 1 on the list. Subsequent attempts to contact human resources have resulted in friends with no benefits with their voice mail system, and no one has called me in the two or three weeks since I received that notification.

That's mainly it. Haven't had a lot of time to play World of Warcraft, which was becoming my major passion, but I'm thinking that's probably a good thing overall.

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